Tell the Rest of the Story: Turn yourself from a victim into a contributor. We tell ourselves we are not contributing to the problem.įor example, you forget to complete and important task for the boss who just returned from a business trip and react by saying, “I didn’t have the help or time that I needed to complete the project on time.” You are telling yourself that you are being punished for the company’s lack of resources and talent. The best way you can combat these stories is to tell the rest of the story. We also tell clever stories to ourselves in our path to action, and these There are three clever stories we tell ourselves to help us feel good about doing things that ruin our relationships and results.
Clever stories conveniently leave out pertinent information and make the story suit our needs. Have you ever told a story and left out key details to the listeners? We do this because clever stories may get us off the hook, or because we want to be seen as the hero or the victim. We sometimes do all of this so quickly that we don’t even realize it, and in doing so we become our own worst enemy.
We try to figure out a motive, we judge, and those judgments lead to feelings that drive our actions. We all have the tendency to tell ourselves stories. In other words, the story you told yourself was completely false. No questioning of capabilities, no lack of trust, just one colleague helping another. However, when using your other Crucial Conversations skills, you find that your manager is checking in with you because they have a lot of experience building this type of report and just wanted to be helpful. So how does this affect your actions? You might hold a grudge and disregard your manager’s suggestions. How would this make you feel? Naturally, this story might generate feelings of being hurt or defensive, which could then lead to frustration or anger. What’s the story we tell ourselves? Perhaps it might be “My manager is questioning my capabilities.” Or maybe, “my manager doesn’t trust me to complete this task on my own.” You’re working on a report and your manager checks up on you three times in one hour, offering suggestions. For example, here’s what you see and hear.
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